Sometimes, I get home from work, think about all of the things I’ve once done beyond the 9-5, and wonder why I’m not doing them anymore. Why am I not writing songs like the voracious animal I was a year ago? Why am I no longer a freelance writer? Why did I stop posting on this blog frequently?
And that’s just the beginning of it. There’s also:
- the book I never finished (it would’ve been great, I still believe)
- the pictures I stopped taking
- the race training that faded
- the drawings I stopped creating
- the startup business that didn’t start..
There are cliche sayings that I can apply to all of these shortcomings. I’m a quitter. I don’t want it bad enough. I don’t follow through. Sometimes I think to myself: I wish I was really good, really, really, talented, at just one thing. Because then it would be easy. That’s what I would do, there would be no questions about doing anything else. I wouldn’t start a in new direction. I would simply excel in my one niche and never look back. I would be the BEST potato farmer you ever met, or the GREATEST songwriter you’ve ever imagined.
But that’s just not how it is. I’ve classified myself as “a little bit good” at a range of things (I think I’ve been telling myself that since junior high school I think). So I try them all, and then when I think I’ve reached my “little bit” full potential, I stop. And what a pity, isn’t it? If we all thought that our potential at a new endeavor was “just a little good”, we’d be living in a world with only half-planted potato farms (potato famine?…nah), unfinished songs, very very short books… and 5,090,230,122,426,999,999,999 “eh” ideas that just stayed locked up in people’s heads.
The next question I should ask myself is, how do I measure this “little bit of potential”? And how have I determined once I’ve filled it? It must be an external comparison. Because compared to myself, each stride and each creation is like nothing I’ve ever done before. I should break my “little bit” mindset, and find a new scale by which to measure. And then maybe the passions will keep burning.